A Slave by any other name

He left me. He found someone else. I feel so lost.


“There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.” ― Anaïs Nin

“There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.”
Anaïs Nin

(Source: beautifullydamaged1, via goreanmaster)

Ending

I have to let you know that my Dom has formally released me from my submission.

I have not felt remotely submissive for a while and although this has occurred in the past, this time it is different. Whereas before we have been able to weather my inability to submit, and “it” has always come back sooner or later, this time it is not just that I can’t submit but that I have now completely switched and now only wish to dom/top, something that I have never had the opportunity to do.

Despite my Dom having bottomed in the past, he does not feel able to allow me to explore my Dom side with him. I admit that I am finding it hard to come to terms with this, firstly because I know that he has done it in the past and secondly because I am worried about the consequences of my introducing a third party into our relationship, in whatever capacity that may look like, although he has given me permission to do so, something that I know is very hard for him to do.

Also it is frustrating to me that he will not even try to accommodate me when I compromised myself so much for his sake, doing things that I desperately didn’t want to, for the sake of our relationship and the dynamic therein.

We are currently trying to work out how to keep our relationship together, not least because we have a young daughter but it is not without its difficulties. It reminds me pointedly of a post that I wrote about even vanilla sex not being vanilla in our relationship.

goreanmaster:

dance at day’s end

goreanmaster:

dance at day’s end

(via thegorean)